I've decided to get back to painting.
Painting for me has always been about healing through discovery and action, putting oils and acrylic on a brush and letting myself explore what's deep inside, trying to figure out how to convey it through color and design.
I first started painting in college. I would go into the studio by myself and using clean, vibrant colors would apply them to the canvas not knowing what would happen. I was comfortable with abstract designs back then and didn't want to force a likeness of a landscape or a familiar face even though I've always been good at drawing these things. I wanted to paint my soul!
Now I like to watch and capture what's around me, sometimes all three dimensions. I enjoy seeing how space and shape interact in nature and watching my hand and heart transfer them to the canvas.
I like to paint what I'm attracted to. And I'm particularly drawn to flowers, cats and people because there's an energy there for me, a life force I can hold on to in my brush and then transfer carefully to a still and peaceful place on a clean flat surface. It's a way of honoring these things, of showing my love of watching and learning from them.
The truth is, I want to make pretty pictures! I want to brighten the day of others that view them. I want to create moments of enjoyment that takes them outside of themselves.
Painting is no longer about me! It's no longer about the unseen, the vague, the "deep" I needed to understand and release when I was thirty years younger and freer. Using art as a tool for self-absorption seems like a waste of time.
And I've discovered I'm actually boring! I just am.
The only thing interesting about my life is that there's a world around me I can interact with, hold, shape, transform, celebrate, and make my own somehow. Sometimes I can find a world that's truly beautiful and can turn it into a beautiful image all my own.
Today, I don't want to explore the unknowable and intangible. I want to embrace the world in front of me and share what I see with color and passion. I want to learn to paint again not like I use to paint but still with the cleanest, most vibrant colors I can find.